The country loses an obscene amount of money every day by funding a war that hasn't panned out according to plan. New York Times reporters are contacting John McCain's daughter's friends to get info on Cindy McCain. Adam Jones gets crucified for having a disease (alledgedly) and Matt Jones gets off easy for snorting narcotics directly into his sinus cavity.
Hell, I thought we were a furlong away from the apocolypse when Manny wasn't able to drop the elbow on the Phillies. But this... this is the end. The earth seems to be getting hotter by the second due to all of the greenhouse gases, but on Saturday night, the temperature rose in the greatest incriment ever recorded in intervals of 20 seconds.
On Saturday night, this happened:
A college football umpire, Wilbur Hackett Jr., floored South Carolina Gamecock (Ha!) Quarterback Stephen Garcia, with a shoulder tackle, during a play against LSU. In fact, Hackett's hit effectively ended the play; stopping Garcia in his tracks, preventing him from gaining any more yards or even a touchdown.
Now I don't think Hackett should be suspended for the hit or his haunting last name (Curse you, Paul Hackett!) because there isn't any conclusive evidence that the hit was intentional. Hackett beat the system by making it appear like he was side-stepping Garcia while laying the thunderous blow to the Quarterback's upper torso.
Even though his intent cannot be proven, there is a great deal of evidence against Hackett in this situation.
First, he was watching the runner the whole time. Garcia had to have felt the cold stare of the beast, but failed to sense his presence. Surely this will be a major factor when Mel Kiper ranks the SEC quarterbacks... but that's besides the point. Hackett was watching the ball like he should have been, but his reaction to Garcia's cut was one of malice. Hackett stepped right in front of Garcia. Why would he do that if he knew where the ball was going? Part of his job is to stay out of the way.
Second, Hackett planted his feet before making contact with Garcia. But wait, that's not all. After the feet were planted, Hackett sprung at the runner like a cheetah pouncing on an antelope. But wait, that's not all... again. Hackett threw a forearm shot at Garcia. The type of strike you would usually see in a Japanese wrestling match; stiff and unforgiving. I thought the game officials were supposed to be neutral...
And lastly, after the bone chilling impact from Hackett and the subsequent thud from Garcia crashing into the turf like he had just been shot, Hackett stood over his prey like the famous shot of Cassius Clay towering over a downed and groggy Sonny Liston. Similar to the way I would stand over an adversary after I hit them with my 'Blast Knuckles Stun Gun.'
Hackett obviously had malicious intent going into the play and displayed that intent with his actions following the play.
Now tell me those aren't the characteristics of a man who played linebacker at the University of Kentucky from 1967 to 1970... "I dare you. I double dare you mother------!" [The Great Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction] (See the movie Lauterbach.)
With all of that damning evidence there, the SEC has ruled that Hackett was in "appropriate position" to call the play and only planted his feet and threw a forearm in self-defense.
Congrats, Hackett, you vile fiend. You beat the system... this time.
-Max Caster
http://www.youcastr.com/profile/Sportswire
http://myspace.com/overtheropes
http://overtheropes.mypodcast.com/
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